Active listening
In this section, we will explore the art of active listening and how this skill can assist in maintaining your friendships and turning them into lasting bonds.
Humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, who along with psychologist Richard Farson, introduced the concept of active listening, asserts that the essence of active listening lies in deeply engaging with what someone is saying to you. By focusing on the full message, including the emotions behind it, you show that you value and respect your friend’s perspective. This deep level of attention fosters trust and strengthens emotional bonds. When friends feel genuinely heard and valued, they’re more likely to open up and maintain a supportive and honest relationship.
Be present
Eye contact and a focused demeanour convey that you are fully engaged. Avoid distractions like checking your phone or looking around the room. This shows your friends that they have your undivided attention, making them feel valued.
Reflect and paraphrase
Reflecting on what your friend says and paraphrasing their thoughts can help clarify their message and show that you are truly listening. This technique ensures you understand their feelings and allows them to correct any misunderstandings.
Respond to feelings
It is important to acknowledge and validate your friend’s emotions. If they express frustration or happiness, respond with empathy.
Ask open-ended questions
Encourage deeper conversation by asking open-ended questions. Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, which can halt the dialogue, ask questions that require more elaborate responses. This invites your friend to share more and keeps the conversation flowing.
Summarise and clarify
Summarising key points of the conversation helps both parties stay on the same page and demonstrates that you’ve been present in the conversation. This technique helps clarify any ambiguities and confirms your understanding.
Encourage and validate
Use verbal and non-verbal encouragement to show your interest and support. Nodding, making supportive comments, and providing feedback can encourage your friend to continue sharing.
Be genuine and avoid judgment
Approach conversations with an open mind and avoid making judgments. Your friend should feel that they can speak openly without fear of criticism.
When a friend comes to me with a problem, I always ask if they want me to help them solve it or to simply listen to them. It's important to recognize which they need: sometimes all they want is to cry on your shoulder and receive that emotional validation.
Alyanna
Te Herenga Waka student leader