Michelle Duff (Writing for the Page, 2023)
I can't overstate how valuable the year was.
Michelle writes: I'd always wanted to write fiction, but my deepest fear was that I wasn't creative or smart enough. I'd been a journalist for 15 years, and I wasn't going to start writing fiction on my own; it was way too scary, and every time I started it felt embarrassing. I'd spent years listening to and writing other people's narratives, and I didn't know what my own voice sounded like. I had to get over myself. The MA was the only way.
'Still, I originally put together an application for the non-fiction strand, with examples of my feature writing. The day the application was due, I sat at my desk in the newsroom I was then working in and smashed out a one-page idea for a novel in between interviews for an article. (As you might be able to tell, I need a deadline.) I had no idea what I was doing. Was it derivative? Was it shit? There was no way to tell. I included writing samples of my long-form journalism where I'd had to create a scene or a sense of tension in the writing, with people who carried the narrative through as characters. I held my breath, and sent it off.
'Leaving my job for the unknown (and no income) was frightening, but felt exciting. In the first workshop, our convenor Dr Tina Makereti set the tone for the rest of the year; warm, welcoming, and inclusive, she wove the group together using kaupapa Māori principles. Sharing work makes you feel incredibly vulnerable, but I remember being amazed with the response to the first piece I shared — not only had the class read it closely, but they were saying lovely things about it, asking questions, and were really engaged with the words I'd put on the page. It was miles away from my usual feedback; "Thks," or "Can you file that tomorrow?"
'I can't overstate how valuable the year was. From writing my first piece of fiction to having a manuscript of short stories — like, did that really happen?! I ditched my novel idea pretty early on, thinking it would be better to play around with different perspectives and stories to try and figure out how short fiction worked before trying to go any further. I love short stories but I discovered they are very hard to write. I thought I knew storytelling, but everything was a new challenge; I had to unlearn a lot of what I'd become used to with journalism, where nuance is flattened and questions are generally raised to be answered. I started playing around in the grey areas.
'I had many a crisis of confidence and moments where I felt I had no idea what I was doing, which is where the love and support of your classmates come in — boosting you up when you're unsure, providing generous and helpful feedback, and working together to make your work shine. The people in our workshop had different opinions and styles, but Tina created an environment where we all felt safe enough to share ours, and to learn from each other. (I promise we didn't sing Kumbaya.)
'I did the MA with two small children aged three and seven, which was possible due to the support of my husband, and the fact I am privileged enough that I didn't have to pursue too much paid work during the year. As it was, I had to read most nights after the kids were in bed to keep up with all the feedback you have to give classmates, and do uni work at least one day in the weekend for the last couple of months. I tried to write 500 words a day even if I hated them. I wrote, and re-wrote. It was hard and I loved it.'
Bio: Michelle Duff is a writer and journalist who grew up in Feilding and lives in Te Whanganui-a-Tara. She did the fiction stream of Writing for the Page in 2023 and was awarded the Modern Letters Prize for Fiction. Her collection of short stories will be published by Te Herenga Waka University Press in 2025. She has two small children.
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